Relationships are the heart of everything. Whether it’s with family, friends, clients, or partners, our connections shape who we are and how we move through the world. But relationships aren’t always easy. They challenge us, stretch us, and ask us to grow in ways we might not expect.
For me, Courageous Curiosity has been a game-changer in navigating the complexities of relationships. It’s about replacing judgment with wonder, assumptions with questions, and defensiveness with a genuine desire to understand.
Curiosity in relationships isn’t passive—it takes effort and intention. It requires courage to step out of your perspective and into someone else’s world. But the rewards? Deeper empathy, stronger bonds, and a connection that goes beyond the surface.
Curiosity With My Family
One of the places I’ve seen Courageous Curiosity work its magic is in my relationship with my wife, Renee. After 22 years of marriage, it might seem like we’ve already asked each other every question there is. But that’s the thing about curiosity—it’s not just about learning new things; it’s about rediscovering the familiar.
There are times when our perspectives clash. Renee and I sometimes see the world differently, and it would be easy to dismiss her view as “wrong” or insist on my own. Instead, I try to pause and ask, "What’s underneath her perspective? What’s important to her here?"
Those moments of curiosity help me see her not just as my partner, but as a brilliant, intuitive, and driven individual with her own experiences and insights. It reminds me to approach her with the same wonder and respect that brought us together in the first place.
Curiosity With My Kids
As the father of teenage twins, Eden and Xen, I’ve learned that curiosity is key to staying connected. They’re at a stage where they’re discovering who they are, and their thoughts, interests, and emotions are constantly evolving.
With Eden, it might be asking about the artwork she’s been sketching or the book she’s engrossed in. With Xen, it’s diving into his latest playlist or exploring his take on a world event. These aren’t just casual questions—they’re an invitation to step into their world and see it through their eyes.
One of my favorite moments was during a late-night conversation with Xen. I asked him why a particular song resonated so deeply, and his answer opened a window into how he processes emotions. That simple question created a moment of connection that felt profoundly meaningful.
Curiosity reminds me that my role isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to ask the right questions and be present for their unfolding stories.
Curiosity With Friends and Communities
In my relationships with friends, clients, and partners, Courageous Curiosity has been a tool for building trust and fostering collaboration.
For example, in moments of conflict, my instinct might be to explain my perspective or defend my stance. But curiosity has taught me to pause and ask, "What is this person feeling right now? What’s important to them that I might not be seeing?"
This approach transforms disagreements into opportunities for understanding. It’s helped me deepen friendships, resolve misunderstandings with clients, and strengthen partnerships by prioritizing connection over being “right.”
Curiosity in Challenging Relationships
Of course, not every relationship is easy. There are times when curiosity feels like the last thing I want to offer, especially when I feel hurt or frustrated.
But it’s in those moments that curiosity is most powerful. When I replace judgment with questions like, "What might they be going through?" or "What’s behind their actions?" it shifts the dynamic. It doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it allows me to approach the situation with empathy and clarity rather than defensiveness.
One example that stands out is a professional relationship where a partner’s actions initially felt dismissive. My gut reaction was frustration, but instead of reacting, I asked, "Can you share more about what’s driving your decision?" That question opened a dialogue that not only resolved the issue but deepened our mutual respect.
Strategies for Deepening Connection
Here are some strategies I’ve found helpful for bringing Courageous Curiosity into relationships:
Ask Meaningful Questions:
Go beyond “How are you?” and ask questions that invite depth:
"What’s been inspiring you lately?"
"What’s something you’ve been reflecting on?"
"How can I support you right now?"Practice Active Listening:
Focus on what the other person is saying, without planning your response.
Reflect back what you’ve heard: "It sounds like this is really important to you. Can you tell me more?"Replace Judgment With Wonder:
When someone’s actions confuse or frustrate you, ask yourself, "What might be behind this? What don’t I know about their perspective?"Cultivate Curiosity in Conflict:
Instead of assuming bad intent, ask questions like, "What’s important to you in this situation?" or "How can we work through this together?"Check Your Assumptions:
Challenge your own narrative: "Is this the only way to see this? What else might be true?"
How Curiosity Strengthens Relationships
When we approach our relationships with Courageous Curiosity, something beautiful happens: walls come down, and connections deepen.
Curiosity allows us to see the people in our lives not as fixed characters but as dynamic, evolving individuals. It helps us move beyond surface-level interactions and into spaces of empathy, respect, and understanding.
Whether it’s rediscovering the person you’ve been married to for decades, learning something new about your children, or building trust with a partner or client, curiosity is the thread that ties us together.
An Invitation to Connect
What would happen if you brought more Courageous Curiosity into your relationships today? Maybe it’s asking your spouse a question you’ve never thought to ask. Maybe it’s listening more deeply to a friend or client. Maybe it’s pausing in a moment of conflict to wonder what’s behind the other person’s actions.
The connections we build are some of the most meaningful parts of our lives. When we approach them with curiosity, we create space for deeper understanding, stronger bonds, and a richer sense of connection.
Let’s choose curiosity, even when it’s hard. Let’s ask better questions, listen more deeply, and embrace the wonder of truly knowing the people in our lives.