Mark:
Stepping into soulful leadership sounds noble, even romantic, until you’re doing it. From the outside, it’s easy to admire the highlight reel: the polished events, the inspired talks, the thriving community. What most people don’t see is what it feels like from the inside, the vulnerable, messy, often disorienting middle where the growth is happening.
It’s a lot like a crab molting. When a crab outgrows its shell, it can’t simply trade it in for a bigger one. It has to shed the old shell entirely, leaving itself soft and exposed while the new one forms. It’s a period where predators are everywhere, and safety feels far away.
We’ve been in that place personally, professionally, and as leaders many times.
Renee:
One of the earliest times I felt it was when we moved back to Orlando after two years in Ohio. Ohio had been a safe shell: close to my family, extra hands with Eden and Xen when they were little, and the comfort of the familiar. But as much as I loved being near family, it wasn’t the right environment for our long-term vision.
Leaving meant starting all over: a new house, new schools, new friends, new networks. No safety net. No clear guarantee that it would work. And honestly, that was terrifying. But deep down, I knew I had outgrown that old shell. We both had.
Mark:
Soulful leadership requires those moments of molting. It means letting go of the structures, identities, and strategies that once served you but no longer fit where you’re going.
Another time this happened for us was when I left corporate sales to go all-in on our mission. On paper, it looked exciting: more purpose, more freedom, more impact. In reality? It meant releasing a steady paycheck for the uncertainty of entrepreneurship. Every day felt like a test of faith in myself, in our vision, and in the belief that the discomfort was part of the path.
Renee:
If the crab is one metaphor, the butterfly is another. People love the image of the butterfly, wings spread wide, floating in beauty. But what happens in the chrysalis is rarely talked about. The caterpillar literally dissolves itself, turning into what scientists call “imaginal cells.” Its old form is completely unrecognizable before it becomes something new.
Soulful leadership is like that, too. You can’t fully step into your calling while holding on to your old form. There’s a dissolution, an undoing, before the becoming.
We’ve felt this in parenting as well. As Eden and Xen entered high school, our roles shifted. The way we lead them now is different from when they were small. We’ve had to release habits, conversations, and even parts of our identity as “parents of young kids” to grow into parents of young adults. It’s bittersweet, but it’s necessary.
Mark:
In our business, one of our biggest chrysalis moments was launching the first Soulful Leadership Retreat. We’d been building toward it for years, but nothing fully prepared us for the leap. It was bigger, bolder, and more complex than anything we’d done before.
There were moments when it felt like everything was breaking down, systems, timelines, and even our energy.
Renee:
At the time of our first retreat, I had never planned anything like it other than our wedding and a book launch with 60 of Mark’s friends and colleagues. Suddenly, here I was running an event with speakers, attendees, logistics, and no real experience to fall back on.
I was trying to do it all. My kids wanted to help and be a part of the event, but instead, they started squabbling over who got to check in the next person right as one of our headliner speakers walked up. I wanted to sink into the floor. Later, I found myself sitting in the back of the room, trying to hide my tears because things weren’t going the way I had envisioned.
It felt like everything was falling apart, but it was actually the beginning of me becoming the leader I needed to be.
Mark:
Inside that breakdown was the breakthrough. When the retreat came to life, we realized we had grown wings not just for us, but for our entire community.
Renee:
The discomfort in these seasons is real. The doubt. The vulnerability. The temptation to go back to what’s familiar.
But soulful leadership isn’t about staying comfortable; it’s about expanding your capacity to serve, to hold space, and to grow into the vision you’ve been entrusted with.
Mark:
If you’re in a season where your old ways don’t fit anymore, where you feel exposed, messy, or unsure, don’t mistake it for failure. You may be molting. You may be in the chrysalis. You may be right in the middle of becoming who you’re meant to be.
Renee:
And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. In fact, you can’t do it alone. It takes mentors, allies, community… a village to help you through the in-between.
Mark & Renee:
Because when the shell hardens or the wings open, you’ll see it clearly: every uncomfortable moment was part of stepping into your true power as a soulful leader.